DEAR ABBY: I dated a colleague when I was 22, but broke up because I couldn’t stand the fact that he was several inches shorter than me. I didn’t tell him why. I just said, “It’s me, not you.”

I am now 60 years old, have had a very successful career, never married, and see online that he became a distinguished researcher.

In his online photo, he now looks like a sweet older man and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would this be nonsense?

Was I too insensitive at 22 to understand that I probably hurt him? Do you think he would forgive me if I contacted him now?

He lives far away, so an in-person meeting would be out of the question in the short term. Would an email be okay? He is in his early 70s and is not married. – STUPID THEN IN OHIO

DEAR ‘STUPID’: At 22 you were not insensitive; You were superficial. Look at this from that man’s perspective.

What are you supposed to think when you receive an email 40 years after a colleague abandoned you saying, “It’s me, not you”? Remember, no matter how successful you are now, you are not taller.

My advice is to leave him alone, find someone who you may be physically attracted to, who lives geographically closer, who appreciates the success you’ve had in your career, and who is open to a relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70 year old man with no children. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, some family members get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate.

We make a remembrance in the cemetery and go to mass together on Sunday. We also went out to eat and drink. There are now three generations involved, the youngest of the children being 10 years old.

This year, my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We are all happy for them.

A couple days ago, I sent a group text to our family thread saying that I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring a baby on this trip.

I explained that I felt that would distract from the purpose of the meeting.

Well, my cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I carefully worded my message so as not to say anything negative. I made a mistake? — TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this gathering is for the family to honor their deceased brother and celebrate his life together.

When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby?

Your baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without his mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of character and I can see why it upset your cousin.

NOTE TO PARENTS OF SMALL CHILDREN: If your little ones are going trick-or-treating tonight, make sure they are supervised to ensure their safety. Happy Halloween everyone! —LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.