DEAR ABBY: The wife’s “adjustment” behind closed doors irritates her husband

Article content

DEAR ABBY: Recently my wife and I and several other couples were guests in a large house. Among them was a couple who, when introduced, said the man was a chiropractor. The next day, while we were all watching TV, my wife mentioned that she was having neck and arm problems. The chiropractor offered to adjust her neck and back and they left.

Article content

After 30 minutes I started to worry. After an hour, other guests raised their eyebrows. I checked the house and couldn’t find them, but I didn’t look in bedrooms with closed doors. After 90 minutes I quietly asked his wife where they were, and she said in their bedroom. I asked if she wanted to look at it, and they came out right away. There was no scene, but I was upset. I was later told that my attitude about this was ‘inappropriate’. I would appreciate your perspective on the situation. – STAY IN GEORGIA

BEST BLACKED: I don’t think your attitude was inappropriate. You felt awkward because of your wife’s long absence with another man while everyone else was hanging out. The fact that the chiropractor’s wife knew where her husband and your wife were suggests to me that you had nothing to worry about, but that your feelings were your feelings, and under the circumstances you had a right to be.

Article content

Article content

RECOMMENDED VIDEO

We apologize, but this video has failed to load.

Play video

DEAR ABBY: My parents live with my husband and me. I have a terrible relationship with my brother. He has always been demeaning, cruel and emotionally abusive to me. When my brother attacks, he goes for the jugular. Whenever I have to interact with him, I get so upset that I can’t sleep for days.

My husband and I have decided to cut him out of our lives, but my elderly mother will not accept that. When I tell her I can’t see him, she trembles and cries for days. She says family forgives anything and everything, and I just have to bear it. Is that true? – PAIN IN INDIANA

sweet pain: Of course not! Stop telegraphing your plans to your mother and stay away from your abuser. As you do so, remember that dear old mother is responsible for her own feelings, and that her tears and trembling will stop when she gets her way. You’re an adult. You don’t have to please your mother. And family members don’t have to forgive the unforgivable just because they are blood related.

Article content

DEAR ABBY: I have caught a good friend in several lies over the years, small and large. We were close before, but since these lies have piled up, I’ve pulled away. I don’t trust her anymore and I wonder how many more lies there are. My question is: should I just let the friendship die down, or does it deserve an explanation? – TRUTH TELLER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TRUTH TELLER: If she asks why your relationship is not as close as it used to be, tell her the truth, since you are the truth teller. Unless she initiates the conversation, I see there is nothing to be gained by confronting her and possibly creating a scene.

— Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Article content