• My oldest daughter took a gap year when she was 18 and delayed her start at university.
• He told me he wanted to travel around Europe for three months with his own money.
• I worried every day about her leaving, but I also needed to trust my daughter.

I was a very fearful child who grew into a fearful adult. It was very difficult for me to let go of that fear while raising my five children.

The world was full of dangers and I was constantly worried about my family. Fortunately, the children grew up safe and sound, but he still feared a possible tragedy lurking around every corner. I knew that mine was not a healthy attitude and I tried hard to hide my anxiety of them. I never interfered with his steps toward independence (riding his bike to high school, starting to drive, finding his way around the city), but my heart was always in my throat. It was an exhausting way to live.

When my youngest daughter, Julie, was 18, took a sabbatical between high school and college. She had been working and, with the money saved, Julie wanted to travel around Europe alone for three months. While I fervently hoped it was just a passing phase, it turned out that Julie was completely serious.

She presented me with a detailed itinerary and her plans to visit 11 countries. she would stay mainly in youth hostels. My first impulse was to discourage her, to point out all the pitfalls and dangers of such a trip. But then I looked at my bright, no-nonsense girl, who was asking me to trust her. I took a few deep breaths and then said, “Yes.”

It was very difficult to say goodbye.

Firing her from Newarkthe New Jersey airport was really difficult. She was very excited, she was carrying a backpack that looked almost as big as her. Her first stop was Rome, where she attended the baptism of the twin babies of some favorite nanny clients who had Italian families. That was a gentle way to ease his journey; At least he was with friends, with a lovely place to stay.

I knew things wouldn’t always be so easy, and they weren’t. Julie got lost in the confusing streets of VeniceHe spent a night in a gloomy hostel in Budapest, became seriously ill with strep throat, and had to find a hospital in Vienna. But there were also many joyful experiences. She was able to visit our former exchange student in Lucerne, Switzerland, and her brother Patrick, who was studying in Marburg, Germany. He even went to Finland to attend the premiere of his brother Sheridan’s violin concerto.

I had to learn to trust her.

I continued to worry daily during those months, but I had to learn to let go and trust my daughter. I also had to trust that the world was not the terrible, dangerous place I had always imagined.

Julie and I communicated through a quick daily check-in on WhatsApp and she regularly sent photos of her adventures. It reassured me to see his smiling face in a restaurant in Florence, on a mountain in Salzburg, in the old town of Prague. Wherever he went, he met kind and friendly people. When Julie checked into a hostel at night, she connected with a group of young travelers staying there. They would venture to Paris together to see the Eiffel Tower glowing in the dark, and I knew she was safe.

Julie returned home a more mature, confident and happy person. She then lived in New York City and attended college in Brooklyn, and remains a New Yorker to this day. Do I still worry about Julie’s lonely walks to the subway? Of course. But I remind myself that this girl has proven to be level-headed, independent, and very resourceful, and I credit a lot of that to her time abroad.

During those three months I learned a very important parenting lesson, but it has also been a lesson for me. Julie’s experience taught me to relax a little, to let go of the things I can’t control and to always try to look for the positive side of people and places. Seeing the world as something more beautiful than terrifying. I’m still not a big risk taker, but I no longer panic when one of my children has a daring adventure.

I’ve asked myself: If I had it to do over again, would I still let 18-year-old Julie travel alone through those 11 countries so far from home?

In a flash.