DEAR ABBY: My daughter was diagnosed with an illness. Shortly afterward she decided to marry a man she had met. I don’t like the guy and I find it difficult to have a relationship with him. They moved to another state and I asked him not to bring him to this house. However, whenever she can, she brings him and he acts as if this is his home. Right now, I am in therapy to help me find a solution to this problem.

My daughter is also in therapy and says it’s partly because of me. She will have surgery soon and I have decided not to stay at her house because I would feel like a hypocrite. I have decided to stay in a hotel and come to her house just to help her. Am I wrong to handle the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter and I’m sorry our relationship has become so complicated. He is a person who has to control everything. Having a conversation with her is out of the question because it leads to a shouting match and a lot of disrespect on her part. I tend to shut down and withdraw. What do I have to do? — CARE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUTIZED: I’m glad to hear that you are in therapy. Please talk to your counselor about how to be kind to your son-in-law when your daughter brings him along when she visits. (You may not have many options.) For the sake of your sanity, keep those visits brief.

Your idea of ​​staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after the operation is logical. It will give him quiet time to recover from the pressure of caring for her and his exposure to her husband. There should be no need for a shouting match; It is important that your daughter’s recovery is as stress-free as possible.

As for her being controlling, maybe it’s time to wonder where that tendency may have come from.