DEAR ABBY:

I am a 70 year old man with no children. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, some family members get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate. We make a remembrance in the cemetery and go to mass together on Sunday. We also went out to eat and drink. There are now three generations involved, the youngest of the children being 10 years old.

This year, my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We are all happy for them. A couple days ago, I sent a group text to our family thread saying that I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring a baby on this trip. I explained that I felt that would distract from the purpose of the meeting. Well, my cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I carefully worded my message so as not to say anything negative. I made a mistake? — TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST:

You wrote that the purpose of this gathering is for the family to honor their deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Your baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without his mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of character and I can see why it upset your cousin.

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NOTE TO PARENTS OF SMALL CHILDREN:

If your little ones are going trick-or-treating tonight, make sure they are supervised to ensure their safety. Happy Halloween everyone! —LOVE, ABBY

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact our dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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