close
close

Ourladyoftheassumptionparish

Part – Newstatenabenn

Dear Abby | Disparity in sexual drives can stagnate the relationship
patheur

Dear Abby | Disparity in sexual drives can stagnate the relationship

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 20s and I have been dating my man for two years. I love him very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year and we plan to get married next year.

Sex with him is fabulous. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenager) and could do with having sex every morning, day, and night. He, on the other hand, does well once a week, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We’ve talked about this and he says he knows he needs to improve, but there hasn’t been any change.

I don’t know if I want to say “I do” if this is what marriage with him will be like. I’m afraid he’ll propose to me now because I’m not sure I can marry him if he doesn’t like sex as much as I do. Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had amazing sex with a previous boyfriend and I’ve actually thought about getting closer to him. (I wouldn’t cheat).

Should I settle? I don’t want to stop having sex as often as I want to. It doesn’t seem fair to me. I don’t want to end the relationship because he is all I want. He is a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but almost without sexual desire. Can you offer us any ideas?

— MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISERABLE: You are young and I suppose there is not a big age difference between you and your boyfriend. When this ideal man asks you the question, your answer should be that before accepting his proposal, you want both of you to undergo premarital counseling. During some of those sessions, bring up the disparity in your sex drives. There may be more than one way to solve your problem. Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist who can help you explore how you can be more satisfied without your boyfriend feeling “forced to perform.”

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: I became a grandmother 20 years ago. My first grandchild was biracial and I suspect that’s why my best friend, “Dori,” never recognized her. When I emailed him photos several times, they were not recognized.

Now, 20 years later, Dori finally became a grandmother through adoption. Although I am happy for her, it hurts me that my four grandchildren have been ignored. I have sent you generous baby gifts. How can I get over my resentment without making a fuss? I do not want my grandchildren to ever meet her, as I feel that any interest would be idle and insincere curiosity. Dori hasn’t even asked me their names.

— BITTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BITTER: Why do you refer to this woman as your “best friend”? From what you’ve written, Dori stopped being your friend 20 years ago. He was very thoughtful in sending his grandson “generous gifts” (or any gift). The way I see it, there is more than one way to deal with this situation. The first would be to express your feelings to Dori. The second is to continue living your life without her as the protagonist.