Psychologists, digital well-being experts and all my smart friends We advise against picking up the phone first thing in the morningclaiming that the barrage of notifications and to-do’s, rings and pings competing for your immediate attention, accelerates the natural process of waking up and turns on the tap full speed on the dopamine pump, altering your internal rhythm before the drums have even struck. . an opportunity to take action.

I, however, have a streak of more than a year in the New York Times crossword puzzle app to keep, so any doctor worth his Hippocratic Oath would give me a doctor’s note stating that I’m an exception to this proven science in an instant, I’m sure.

However, in recent days I’m starting to think that maybe science is right about the negative effects of scrolling through my inbox before my first (or second, or, let’s be real, third) cup of coffee.

One day last week, my first scroll of the day contained the following subject lines, all received within a few hours of each other while I was sleeping: “The moment is not good at all..” “There is no time to waste.” “Kase, is there something, ANYTHING, we can say?” “You deserve an explanation, Kase…“

Those are not from a trash ex, but from Kamala HarrisThe presidential campaign and other groups that directly support it. They want two minutes of my time, they want between three and 47 dollars, they want explainthey have some bad news to share. One especially shady recent subject line read simply: “struck.”

They want a lot of things, but I want, I don’t know, a neck massage to recover from the whiplash of optimism and positive attitude I’m seeing during the Harris rallies, compared to the downright stale vibe that invades my inbox. a dozen times a day. If a human being was sending me these messages, I would ask him if he is okay, I would gently remind him that even though we broke up, I still care about him and want the best for him, and that I am happy to lead. to the help they need.

A week before Election Day, I can’t help but look at my morning dose of emailed devastation and think, “This is not the jolly warrior I fell in love with over the summer.” Do you remember how it felt to watch the Democratic National Committee this summer? Remember how things felt kind of… fun? My inbox certainly doesn’t.

Listen, I’m not new here. I know how important a steady trickle of donations is to keep the wheels of the campaign bus turning round and round for another week, and campaign veterans tell me that, yes, the volume and alarmist tone of the emails of the campaign are algorithmically tested and optimized dark art, and that the communications teams that are leading me to devastation like BCC are usually cordoned off from the main campaign communications team. The Kamala Harris who spoke to a Philadelphia church congregation on Sunday and said she sees voters united in the fight to defend freedom, knowing that we all have much more in common than what separates us, “that’s not Kamala Harris herself.” who, last night, landed in my inbox with the absolute soul-crushing of a subject line “Spent more. Tied. Falling short.” It draws attention, at least you have to give it that.

And hey, the other team survives on a steady diet of spam, though less of “your sad ex-boyfriend who won’t stop calling” and more of, well, actual spam emails. donald trumpThe campaign returns again and again to themes that simply say “Congratulations!” and “Please!“Another notable repetition is simply the recipient’s name, three times:”Kase Kase Kase” Other: “I love you! I love you! I love you!“This Nigerian prince would very much like you to buy a MAGA hat. Another notable missive is titled simply “Fork!The bombastic, free-associative quality of Trump’s campaign emails more closely matches his personal personality (though call me when you see this guy saying “please”), but the frequency and drama, at least, are within the standard deviation for both. campaigns.

Election Day is a week away, and our inboxes will surely breathe a sigh of relief knowing that we will soon have chosen between “They just accused me again!” and “Deeply worrying.” at last.