My last two partners betrayed me. Will I be lucky for the third time?

DEAR DEIDRE: THEY say ‘third time lucky’, but after my last two partners had sex behind my back, how can I be sure my new love won’t cheat?

After all, my wife cheated while I was undergoing cancer treatment and then the nurse I worked with after my marriage failed became pregnant by someone else.

I’m a disaster.

I’m 53 and my current partner is 51. We’ve been together for two years, but I’m convinced history will repeat itself after she admitted cheating on her husband with someone she worked with.

Her explanation was that her ex was emotionally abusive and made her miserable.

She has assured me that I don’t have to worry because she knows what she wants. She said she would talk to me if she had any problems and so far we seem to be communicating well.

My wife never let me know what she thought and was not supportive at all.

So when I was undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy, there was always an empty space next to me. She just didn’t show up.

I found out she was sleeping with another man when she ran up a huge phone bill.

We divorced soon after, and I soon met someone new: one of the nurses who had cared for me during my cancer treatment.

Our relationship developed quickly – too quickly. The warning signs were there, but in retrospect I ignored them until she got pregnant.

I knew she was cheating because my cancer treatment was affecting my fertility.

I moved on with my life as best I could and vowed to remain single.

But I met my current partner a few months later through a mutual friend. We got along well and exchanged numbers.

Part of me says let go and enjoy being with her, but the other part of me says run.

I love her and her two sons. Everything came so easily with her.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is not easy when someone has had previous unfortunate experiences. Betrayal can destroy your trust, and it is incredibly difficult to regain it.

The fear of being hurt is a self-defense mechanism that tells us it could happen again.

But you risk driving a wedge between you and your partner and pushing her away.

Counseling can help you move forward. My support package How Counseling Works explains more about it and how it works.