Dear Abby: A 40-year friendship falls apart because the man refuses to stand up to his wife

DEAR ABBY: A 40-year friendship has fallen apart because he refuses to stand up for himself to his wife. She dominated him throughout their many decades of marriage. Like any narcissist, she managed to isolate him from his family and move him to remote places where he knew no one. Now she is terminally ill and refuses to let him move to a place where his family could help him care for her.

His family and I feel the same. Like any narcissist, she also turned him against me. Along the way, they’ve made terrible and troubling financial decisions. It’s too painful to watch, so I pulled out of the friendship instead of supporting these bad decisions. Was that the right thing to do? — FORMER FRIEND IN IOWA

DEAR FORMER FRIEND: Yes, that was the right thing to do. Since your friend’s wife still controls who can have contact with her husband, even in her weakened state, you had little choice but to step back. Once she passes, offer him support. He’ll need it.

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.