DEAR ERIC: I am a 46-year-old retired and never married man with a 25-year-old son. Without training or deployments, I have raised my son alone as a single mother since he was two years old, removing both of us from a physically and mentally abusive situation with his mother.

I’ve only dated other single parents, hoping there would be some kind of mutual understanding. The results were the constant feeling of having to account for the transgressions of my predecessors, having shared achievements and traumas used negatively against me, being treated like a bank account or a piece of sexual meat, and having my dreams and goals degraded while trying to support theirs.

Now, five months after my most recent relationship ended, I’m at the point of risk versus reward before considering having another. Lastly, I don’t want to give up on my last three retirement goals in life: All Go to No Go.

I’m doing well and thriving being single, but I wouldn’t mind sharing future experiences with a woman while deflecting relearned negative experiences.

What does a guy in my situation do, stay single for sanity reasons or try again?

– Dating discussion

DEAR DATING DISCUSSION: Think of this as the entrance to a new phase in your love life. Many of the decisions he made in the past were, understandably, tied to his status as the father of a child. Although you continue to be in your child’s life, helping and supporting him when necessary, you are now the parent of an adult. Start thinking differently about what you want and what kind of people you want to attract.

It’s wonderful that you are prioritizing your retirement goals and your life experiences. The satisfaction you get from pursuing your interests could also attract you to potential partners.

Doing what you love will better prepare you for love. So, keep the door open but shift your focus to your betterment and what your life needs right now.

To that end, also consider talking to a professional about the experience you had with the mother of your child, as well as your other relationships that turned sour. There could be some trauma that still needs to be overcome that could be affecting your romantic relationships. What you and your child went through is not your fault, but processing it is important and healing work.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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