Miss Manners: How to respond to inappropriate comments in retail

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know how I should have responded to a cashier who went too far. Some background: I had my second child about 15 months ago. My husband and I are not looking for a third party. I’m still breastfeeding, which makes my cycle quite unpredictable; yet I was concerned recently when I seemed to be about a week late.

I stopped to pick up a pregnancy test. At the checkout the cashier congratulated me.

I was honest and told her I hoped it was negative because I didn’t want to have a third c-section at age 42. She then told me to enjoy every life I create and that every baby is a blessing. I just nodded, paid and left.

Although I would have been happy if the test had been positive, I would also have been a little nervous and stressed. For starters, we should have moved to a bigger house. But that was none of the cashier’s business.

I felt like she was really pushy. What is the appropriate response to this situation, should it occur again?

GENTLE READER: What was that cashier thinking? “Congratulations” for what? Anyone who buys a pregnancy test does not know if she is pregnant.

Miss Manners is aware that some believe that personality begins at conception. This lady goes one step further and congratulates just the opportunity. And yours isn’t the only situation where this cashier’s “congratulations” would be inappropriate. It would be disturbing for someone who hopes for a positive outcome, but is, for example, arming himself against disappointment.

You didn’t have to respond to the “congratulations” because it was impertinent. As her subsequent comments showed, she wasn’t thinking about you, but rather setting an agenda. Your second response, simply leaving, was fine – and should be promoted to first place if this happens again.

(Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106 .)

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