Dear Abby: My twin daughters, 11, were invited to the wedding, but I was not

Dear Abby: My niece is getting married. We received a wedding invitation, RSVP and all, but it was only addressed to my two 11-year-old identical twin daughters. My husband and I are not invited to the wedding or reception. There has been no communication about how childcare will be provided for either event.

Surprised, I texted my niece and expressed a desire to talk about a possible disharmony in our relationship and to resolve anything that was bothering her about me or what I might have done. She texted back and said her wedding is “intimate” and that she only invites people she is close to and who play an active role in her life. She hopes that I can respect her decision and still allow my daughters to attend. Granted, we’re not super close, but in every disagreement we’ve ever had, I’ve taken the lead in communicating, apologizing, and moving forward with solutions and reassurances.

My niece often has her mother (my sister) ask if she can spend time with my daughters, and when I agree to go with them, she tells her mother to tell me, “You’re not invited, just the girls. ” I know something is wrong but she refuses to talk, only text. These types of conversations cannot be had via text message.

I will respect all of my niece’s decisions, but I feel like she makes passive-aggressive statements about how she feels about me. My daughters don’t want to go and are hurt because she treats me so badly. More importantly, how can I foster a close relationship between her and my daughters if she has a history of disrespecting me and how I want my daughters to be cared for?

—Excluded in California

Dear Excluded: I suspect your niece is trying to turn your daughters into pawns to spite you. I don’t think you should send them to a family event that you are excluded from, especially because they don’t want to go there. I also don’t think you should encourage them to be in a close relationship with someone as manipulative as your niece seems to be. If she has a bone to pick with you, she should do so immediately so it can be resolved. In the meantime, please don’t play her game because that’s what this is.

Dear Abby: Four years ago, I separated from my husband of many years because of his infidelity. I have moved back to my hometown and am working to better myself and build a happier life. Even though I have lost interest in him, I still find myself putting off the task of actually filing for divorce. How can I motivate myself to take this important step?

– Ready to be filed in Michigan

Dear Ready: You’re still a work in progress. When you’re ready for a happier life, perhaps when you meet someone and want to start a permanent relationship, you’ll be motivated to break that last bond. In the meantime, consult an attorney about any risks, including financial, of remaining legally married to your spouse.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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