How does politics shape your love life?

There is no doubt that relationships exist in a larger social context that includes prevailing political views. As much as people wish they could tune out the constant noise of politicians clamoring for media attention, the decisions these same politicians make have the potential to change people’s lives. From the cost of housing to legislation affecting health care, couples struggle with the day-to-day actions that someone with elected authority takes, both practically and ideologically. When election time comes, these issues often come to a head. With any luck, romantic partners will find themselves taking similar positions. But if they don’t, what happens?

Dating apps are underscoring the importance of politics to relationship success and now include questions that assess whether a potential match is right- or left-leaning. Clearly, they’re onto something about how these “outside influences” shape a couple’s romantic fate. When election time comes, these issues often come to a head. With any luck, romantic partners will find themselves taking similar positions. But if they don’t, what happens?

Why is politics important?

As you start to think about where political differences fit into the dynamics of your relationship, you may notice that not only your partner’s views can come into play, but also the views of your partner’s family and friends. Even if your partner shares completely opposite views than these individuals, you may find it distasteful and even unsettling to be around them, even if politics (thankfully) never comes up as a topic of conversation. Furthermore, part of you may be wondering how your partner can cope with being around him, especially when it’s the friends, and not the family, whose views differ so radically from both of yours.

According to Amie Gordon and colleagues at the University of Michigan (2024), people who enter committed relationships are more likely to actually agree with each other, in a phenomenon known as “assortative mating.” People who agree politically will also find each other more attractive (a vote of confidence for those dating apps). As Gordon et al. reported, a survey of Match.com users reported that only 59 percent of respondents believe politics plays an important role in finding a partner. But as the authors note, “the majority of people … might prefer that politics stay out of the bedroom.”

So: do politics matter?

Using previously collected data (between 2020 and 2022) on a total of 4,584 adults (526 couples), the U. Michigan study examined the two questions of whether people prefer politically similar partners and whether, once in a relationship, similarity/ inequality makes a difference. difference in relationship quality. In the American sample, 32 percent were Republicans, 42 percent Democrats, and 22 percent Independents. The sample leaned toward the liberal end of the ideological continuum. Within the larger sample set, one subgroup completed a daily diary questionnaire assessing their relationship conflict and satisfaction over a two-week period.

In addition to measuring political ideology and relationship quality, the data include assessments of factors that might influence the links between politics and relationships. These include feelings of gratitude, perspective taking (trying to see each other’s points of view), silencing (keeping your opinions to yourself), a shared lifestyle (hobbies and interests), and shared values. Participants also rated their perceived similarity to their partner. In the daily diary survey, the questions also assessed political stress, defined as experiencing problems with “politics and current events.”

Concerning the first question, Gordon et al. found that, consistent with the assortative mating principle, people tended to have relationships with partners who shared their beliefs. However, 25 percent had a relationship with partners from the other party. This percentage dropped to 8 percent when the partnership was based on affiliation with a Democratic-Republican party (vs. Independents or others). While they supported the principle of “keeping politics out of the bedroom,” the people who tended to live in politically diverse relationships simply didn’t care that much about politics.

Given that people tend to find partners who agree with them (assuming politics matters), it should come as no surprise that, looking at the second finding, the effect of political inequality on quality of relationships was not particularly large.

Delving deeper into their analyses, which included measures of actual and perceived similarity (within dyads), the authors found an important condition for all this: “even among those who cared less about politics, if they perceived their partner as less politically similar considered, they reported lower relationship quality compared to their more similar counterparts. The authors had suspected from the start that the polarization of American politics could seep into relationships in which partners differ in ideology. Despite the general similarity shown in this example, this “pernicious” polarization had a small but measurable impact.

Within the smaller and perhaps more liberal sample of daily diaries, there were also effects of political differences on relationship quality, especially when couples reported feeling political stress. In these cases, “their relationship may not be a source of safety and security when the political world is under pressure.”

Politics can therefore play ‘at least a little’ role in the quality of relationships. However, other relationship factors also emerged, including appreciation and perspective taking, which generally showed a much larger effect than ideological differences. These fundamental ingredients of a successful relationship can help a politically disparate couple “drowned out” all the ideological factors that surface daily.

Putting the results into use

You might breathe a sigh of relief when you learn that even if your partner isn’t on the same side of a debate as you, your relationship isn’t doomed. However, chances are that you have found a partner who not only shares your feelings for each other, but also your feelings about the issues of the day.

The Gordon et al. findings show that even if you generally get along despite these differences, it is important to be wary of the possibility of polarization seeping into your relationship. As the authors note, small frictions can grow into “substantial divisions” over time. To prevent this before it happens, the study’s findings suggest it’s important to work hard on relationship-boosting variables like appreciation, self-silencing, and perspective taking.

One factor not taken into account in this extensive research is that people’s views can change over time. The factors that made you find your partner attractive, both romantically and ideologically, may no longer exist. Perhaps your partner was influenced by the larger political conversations to move away from those early views. You’ve decided to stick it out, but you’re wondering how long this can last. The fact that there were so few couples in the US samples who differed in political party could be a red flag (i.e., those who disagreed broke up). This is even more reason to work on those other relationship factors.

In summary, there is probably a good reason to include political preferences on dating apps based on these findings. However, if you are already committed to your partner, understanding how to handle disagreements can keep your relationship satisfying across the ideological divide.