5 words that can save your marriage, according to Brené Brown

It’s hard to communicate with almost anyone, but it’s especially hard to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable with our significant others. A conversation can be full of miscommunication, misunderstandings and misinterpretations. But if we are not honest, open, and present with our partners, how can we hope that our relationships will last and be strong?

Author and public speaker Brené Brown reveals her share of misunderstandings and projecting feelings and motives onto other people that just aren’t there. In Brown’s book it says Rising sharplyshe shares an easy life hack that can help anyone in a relationship feel better understood.

RELATED: 6 peacemakers you can use in your marriage that work like magic (almost) every time

Here are five words that Brené Brown says can save your marriage: “The story I make up.”

“If I could give men and women in relationships, and leaders and parents, one hack, I would give them ‘the story I’m making up,’” Brown said. “You tell the other person how you interpret the situation while at the same time admitting that you know it may not be 100 percent accurate.” (Pssst: Our brains are notorious for lying to us, 2019 study confirms.)

These five simple words can ease a tense situation, or be an honest way to tell the person you’re talking to exactly where your head is. It helps to control the story in your head.

It’s a lifesaver for a few reasons. Brown says it is honest, transparent and vulnerable. And no one knows more about the power of vulnerability than Brené Brown, because her Ted Talk has been viewed more than 21 million times.

Cottonbro studio / Pexels

RELATED: 9 phrases that any man or woman can say to increase their partner’s daily joy

When you say, “The story I’m making up,” it shows that you are aware that your version of events is not necessarily 100% accurate.

“(When you use the phrase you say) I want you to see me, understand me, and hear me, and knowing what you really mean is more important to me than being right or self-protection,” Brown says.

Brown gives an example from her book of how to use “the story I make up.” After a harrowing day in which nothing had been simple or easy, Brown’s husband opened the refrigerator and sighed. ‘We don’t have any groceries. Not even lunch meat.”

Brown replied, “I’m doing my best. You can shop too.’

“I know,” he said in a measured voice. “I do it every week. What’s going on?”

Brown was aware enough to know exactly what was going on: She had turned his comment into a story about how she was a disorganized, unreliable partner and mother. She apologized and started her next sentence with “The story I’m making up is that you blamed me for not having groceries, that I messed up.”

Her husband replied, “No, I went shopping yesterday but I didn’t have time. I don’t blame you; I’m hungry.’ Brown’s unconscious shame story made her feel like she was failing and that her husband was blaming her, when in reality he just needed some food.

RELATED: If you use these three words against your partner, you are slowly damaging your relationship

Jack Sparrow/Pexels

By taking a risk and telling “the story I’m making,” both Brown and her husband were able to let go of their inner stories about the situation and see a different perspective and vulnerability. Vulnerability can make a relationship grow, 2020 research confirms.

These five little words can break down your self-protective walls and help you get on the same page with your partner.

RELATED: Love coach reveals the simple compliment that saves most marriages