We spoke to five women who cheated on their husbands about why they did it

According to infidelity statistics from a 2013 survey, 33 percent of men and 19 percent of women admitted to having cheated on their partner at some point. Depending on your feelings about infidelity, these numbers can be scary reminders that you can never really truly trust someone, or make you feel relaxed that they’re no closer to 50 percent.

Phew! But no matter where you are on the spectrum, when we talk about cheating, far too often the blame is placed on the cheater. They are always the ones to blame. The problem with cheating is that it is usually a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. While there are people who cheat for the sake of cheating, it is wrong to assume that every cheater is forced to do so. We must consider other reasons for the behavior.

We spoke to five women about their experiences cheating on their husbands. These women are completely anonymous and candid and could change the way you look at cheaters.

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We spoke to 5 women who cheated on their husbands about why they did it:

1. “I married the wrong man.”

“For starters, I married the wrong man. My ex (and true love) and I had broken up; he moved to California and I decided to move on. (According to a survey cited in CBS News, 73% of people that don’t end up with who they consider the love of their life.)

Shortly after, I started dating John and we eventually got married. Despite my reservations about my decision to marry him, I went through with it, telling myself it was love.

A week after the wedding, my ex moved back to town. After we ran into each other one evening (read: I was ‘coincidentally’ near him), we started spending time together again. It wasn’t physical, other than kissing, but it was an emotional affair.

He was my best friend and we would go for drives and talk for hours. I never felt guilty about it; it was the best time of my life, to be honest.

When I told my husband I was leaving him, he asked why. I told him there was something wrong with the marriage, and to give you an idea of ​​how ignorant he was, he said he thought our marriage was perfect. He did say he thought there was someone else but blamed me and not that anything was wrong.

The day the divorce was finalized, I married my ex. Last week we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. So, like I said, I married the wrong man and that’s why I cheated.”

2. “I felt miserable.”

“I cheated on him once. We were talking about a divorce and I already had a trip planned. I knew before the trip that I wanted a divorce, but I didn’t want to tell him and then leave him alone for a week leave with all my friends.” belongings and pets. So I decided to do it when I got home.

I had a one night stand with my sister’s friend on the last night I was traveling, and went home the next day and told my husband I wanted a divorce. I didn’t tell him about the one night stand and I never will.”

“Honestly, I felt good about it. I think I knew I was going to be tortured for a few months, but the one night stand was a nice redemption. It was nice to be wanted by someone I’d been interested in since I I haven’t been interested in my husband like that in years. That was the first time I cheated on someone since I was 21.

We legally separated last October. I told him I wanted a divorce in mid-August. I’m happy with it. I felt miserable; it just took me years to admit it.

The 30+ pound weight gain should have been a red flag and the fact that I had no interest in intimacy when before I had A LOT. We cut ties as much as possible. We work at the same company, but not together, so I see him at work occasionally, but not often.

I don’t want anything to do with him. I mean, he’s not a bad person; he was just mean to me. (I’m) not interested in his presence in my life.”

René Terp/Pexels

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3. “I felt guilty about sleeping with my husband.”

“I felt trapped by my husband at the time, who was much more concerned about me being home when I wasn’t working than about me having time for myself to exercise independently.

We had three young children and he expected me to walk through the door of our house exactly 30 minutes after my shift was over—no five-minute conversation with a friend on the way out, no stop at the mall or salon to get my getting a haircut, no drinks after work with the girls. Whenever I called to tell him I was going to do something after work, all I got was, “Go home.” Now.’ I needed an escape.

The guy I cheated on was fun and part of the process of me spreading my wings. Did I feel guilty? Not exactly. I am happiest with one partner, but with my husband I was unhappy, irritated and not intimate.

The one time I agreed, I cried. I felt guilty about sleeping with my husband. I didn’t tell him I cheated. It was not the cause of the problem, and we found that the cause of the problem could not be solved. I wouldn’t tolerate being locked up for the rest of my life. I am no longer with the man I cheated on. It turns out he couldn’t have a committed relationship with anyone, not his wife – and certainly not with me.”

Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

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4. “It was a strange form of revenge.”

“It stemmed from an argument about the holidays. We argued about where to go on Christmas Day, but neither of us wanted to give in. We had only been married for two years at the time and this had never been an issue in our time. ” the past even when we were dating i think it was just indicative of other problems.

Since the heated argument had just happened the day before, I went to my holiday party without him because he didn’t want to go there either. We all got pretty drunk and a coworker and I ended up doing it in the bathroom. If you consider kissing and being clever as cheating, then I cheated. I consider it cheating, and my husband would too.

It was a one-time thing and it scared me that I didn’t feel guilty about it. Even now, over a year later, I shrug. I never told him, but I can’t guarantee I never will. It was a strange form of revenge for me. I can’t explain it.”

5. “It was the best thing that happened to us.”

“He was flirting with a co-worker, which I was fine with at first. We’re both flirty people and he didn’t seem to mind that he was texting a starry-eyed woman in his office. We even joked about it .

But eventually it evolved from flirting to physical intimacy and when he told me off I did the only thing I thought was fair: I slept with an ex-boyfriend who had emailed me about getting something to drink. Distraught over his actions, I couldn’t wait to tell him.

The funny thing is that it helped us. It was the best thing that happened to us, as if we had to get that behavior out of our system one last time to move on to the next step in our marriage.

That was a few years ago, and now two children later, we can look back on our infidelity and know in a strange way that it was necessary. I still feel sad about it when I force myself to go back to that place in our history, but I think I feel sad because it was a difficult time for us and even then I knew we could do better.

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Amanda Chatel is an essayist, lifestyle and intimacy health writer with a focus on relationships, women’s reproductive rights and mental health. Her bylines have appeared in Harper’s Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others.